Monday, 16 January 2012


I've had this for a couple of weeks, but haven't published it for some reason..

The lights of my riding buddies fade in the distance, dropping my head, I concentrate on the pool of light in front of my front wheel and resume the bollocking I'd been giving myself for the past 30 minutes.  As the track rises I click down gears and stand on increasingly tired legs to summit before another wave of tiredness robs me of yet more precious momentum.

Rounding a corner I drift to a stop beside them, two concerned faces highlighted by the powerful beam of light shining from my headlight. I can tell they're worried, instead of the merciless piss taking they ask quietly if I'm ok and reassure me that we'll soon be back at the carpark.. there's just the final descent to home, warmth and food...

The final descent, that fantastic opportunity on normal rides to race against friends one last time until responsibility drags me reluctantly to home.  This time it is faced with nothing more than a stoic resolve to get down in one piece.

We set off again, them racing off ahead, me consumed by the dreaded 'bonk'.  Reflexes are dulled and my riding is cling on rather than hang off.

I reach the carpark, clearly some time has passed between my riding buddies getting there and me rolling in.  Again at a stop I rest my forehead on my bars and contemplate the seemingly monster task of loading a muddy bike and rider into a car for the drive home..
So, that was the ride then, my mid Christmas ride that I've been looking forward to for some time, my fitness has gone from high to low in a few arrogant months and I suddenly face the prospect of rebuilding it all again, the task at hand is now akin to reaching forward to place the last two playing cards on the full pack tower only for someone to open the door and blow the whole lot down.

The idiot with his hand on the door is me though.. I've let the laziness in through the mistaken belief I'd kept more fitness than I had.. laziness that has blown the house of cards down around my ears and I'm now staring dejectedly at the scattered remains of 2011's health coming to a rest at my feet.

Getting home after that ride I re-read a post I wrote ahead of last years Enduro about a new mindset.. I needed reminding, the ride served the purpose of doubling the new resolve.  I felt angry that I had wasted my hard work, I know illness has played its part and I can bet that I've not had this many colds in such a short space of time for years.  I was angry nonetheless.  I have plans for 2012, plans that require a fitness I've not had before and I don't want to be apologetically writing at the end of the the year about how I didn't do them because..

So, I need to regain my aggression, assume nothing and set out to demolish 2012..